The Journey to finding yourself

The Journey to finding yourself

We all know life is full of surprises. Life knocks us down and we get up again; yet other times we say it’s too hard and we give in, we let life fall down on us. We don’t act on our dreams and who we want to be! There is some part of us that naturally goes along with who we think we are supposed to be. How we were raised. We all grow up expected to be this certain somebody.

We all have our own set of hard times.  BUT– who are we really? Aside from our family, partner, job- anything! Deep down are you living the life you want to live FOR YOU and only you? Not because you are expected to act a certain way or say something nice or pretend to fit in to feel like you belong. This is what our society teaches us, this is how we are raised and we need to break the cycle. Eventually for a lot of us, at some point in our lives, it looks and or feels like this:


I know at this point in my life, the above picture is how I personally feel about my life right now. Being on national television doesn’t exactly help that situation, especially when it’s lies and nothing but drama. The only reason I even bring that point up is because it’s a different perspective when you live it on the other side. What you see on the outside (the show) is completely different that what it looks like and feels in real life. Something we thought would help our family, ended up causing a bigger mess and storm in the family unit like the one above.

Homelessness, mental health and not enough resources, children taken, abandoned and or beaten. Homes torn apart, natural disasters, death, abuse, divorce- the list could go on and on.

On the flip side, there is Joy to be found. Newborn babies, marriage or even just falling in love; jumping out of a plane, going to a new place, service, helping those in need. This list could go on and on as well too. So where do we find ourselves? How do we identify who we are, what we like? How do we pull away from society’s ideals and be who we truly are?


At some point in our lives, we all meet that fork in the road. Sometimes we are 16, sometimes 32 and other times not until we are in our fifty’s or sixty’s.

I’ve been building up to this point over the last few years with a lot of steps forward and a lot of steps back and back again. Now I sit here, 27 years old and looking at my life and where I’m at. It’s not where I want to be. It never has been and up until recently I’ve never even thought about doing something different. UNTIL NOW.

We all have struggles in our lives, things that block us from doing what we want, being what we want; or even things that just take us down a deep dark hole that we don’t even begin to know how to come out of.

2016 has definitely been one of those years that I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into that black abyss. I’ve fought and i’ve worked hard; i’ve also given up and let my demons win. I wanted to write this blog not only to close out another year, but to start a chain of self discovery. Not just for me, but for anyone who is ready to take that risk! Yes, it’s a risk but it can be an exciting one.

I recently began reading a book titled “You are the one.” It is written by Kute Blackson and I highly recommend it. It’s beginning to help me open my eyes into my own life- past, present and future. There is so much in here that has helped me already. One in particular I’d like to share with you. It’s called:

The free fall

We all face moments in life where we feel that impulse inside to do something different.  But we often stay where we are, where it is comfortable, rather than daring to dream big.  It’s not worth it.  Safety is not a recipe for success.  But you’ve got to be prepared for the free fall.  There’s a moment after you do something daring when you go, ‘Oh, Shit?  What have I done?’  The moment after you jump out of a plane or off a cliff.  The moment you first say ‘I love you.’  The moment you tell someone the truth you’ve been holding back.  The moment you leave the job you hate to start your own business.  It’s a free fall.  You don’t know whether to look up for something to grab on to or look down for something to cushion your fall.”  (Book: “You are the one” written by: Kute Blackson)

So are you willing to free fall? Are you willing to take that risk? You get to make the decision but you also get to have support around you. You are not alone.

My identity has always been based upon what has happened to me, and for a long time I was okay with that. Well I don’t know if it was that I was necessarily “okay” with it. But I was unaware and unwilling to take a hard look at myself. Yes, I had every right to be angry and hurt and feel completely broken, but those are the lies I told myself and I used it as an excuse for years. My past was horrible, but it’s in the past and it sure as hell does not define me as a person. What a prison to live in for so long, believing that was my identity!

To hell with new year resolutions! That’s my own opinion. I bought into them for so long and for some they work great, but what’s the point? And what happens when we don’t reach it? We blame ourselves, we beat ourselves up instead of trying again. WE ARE HUMAN! IT’S NORMAL TO MAKE MISTAKES. When are we going to put the beat up stick down? Why not start today? Everyday is a new day, a new opportunity, a time for growth and to get to know the real people that we are- aside from media’s ideals.

So we find ourselves at a crossroads. Which path are we going to choose? The one we have lived over and over that is comfortable because we know it? Or are we going to choose a different path, the unknown? Why are we so afraid to be true to ourselves- To own our power and ignite the passion and light inside of us? I ask you, what’s holding you back?

Look at the way you live your life- REALLY, REALLY LOOK! Are you doing what makes you happy or are you trying to fit in a mold or fit expectations to please others?

In my own opinion, our job while being here is to find joy, to love life- hell to love ourselves! How many women everyday say I want to look like this or I have to reach this level of perfection to be acknowledged or accepted. Who fucking cares?! Because in reality no one is paying that close of attention and if they are- it’s to distract from their own shit.

I propose a movement of self empowerment and freedom for all of us! What are you willing to do to be the true you? Start with the simple things, make a list. What’s your favorite color or your favorite thing to do? What are your likes and dislikes? Be honest and answer for yourself.

I’m on the same path now, learning the same things. I’ve always wanted to be a singer but I’ve been too afraid to own my voice and just do it! Who cares if i’m good or not so good. I love singing so I’m going to do it. I know my favorite color and it’s mine not because someone else put that there. We bind ourselves by our fears, what we think others think of us, if we will fit in and next thing you know we are trapped in a cycle of doing the same thing over and over and never being truly happy. So starting today, I pledge this movement to every man, woman, child- EVERYONE!! Who are you? Don’t be so afraid to step out of your comfort zone. It’s not only for you. The universe has a way of making things happen. You never know who you could help, who’s day you could make better or who’s life you could save by speaking your truth and setting yourself free.

No more holding back or being silenced. This is your moment now. Take it, Own it, share it. You have always had the power and strength in you so take that fear of the unknown and own it. It’s still not going to be perfect, it never will be. But I promise you will feel freedom, you will find strength and you will help others. We are on the road to self discovery together, so take my hand and lets take the path of the unknown. Only you can be the one to free yourself. Are you ready? Cause I sure as hell am!


“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” You will not be disappointed.

Please share, SHARE, SHARE this message!!!! Pass it along. You never know who might need a little encouragement!!

Thanks for all your support.

With love,




Get back on the Mat

Get back on the Mat

Over the last year, I have developed a LOVE for Yoga. When I first started going, it was just to get away from the house, something fun to do with friends. Over the last few months specifically, I have gained a passion and found a freedom in it. I am still learning, and what I know is only from my own experiences and listening to my teacher. I’m using yoga as an example for the bigger picture.

Earlier this week, I had an experience where I felt fear and I wanted to run away from it. (This is how I used to deal with feelings, I ran. But today I choose not to run, rather walk through those emotions, even if they are uncomfortable.)  My fear then was: Fearing that I would backslide if I allowed myself to feel what was coming up in that moment, which was not having my voice heard. Shortly after, I then had a conversation with a friend on a different subject and somehow I came to the conclusion: “Maybe it’s just time to quit Yoga for now.” I was so quick to let that become my answer to how I would deal with my fear. Again- I would run. Once I realized this, I talked to my Yoga teacher about it. After a few different conversations and being able to realize what was really going on with-in me, he left me with a simple piece of guidance. He said “You have had time to reset and breathe, now it’s time to get back into the pose.” My interpretation: Get back on the mat. You can choose to look at this phrase in whatever way helps you connect to it most. Essentially, when we fall down, we have three choices. One: stay down, Two: pretend it never happened (denial, not taking accountability, ignoring..) or Three: we can choose to get back up. That power always lies in our hands.

How many times in life have we fallen down? Whether it is making a mistake, beating ourselves up, giving up, self sabotaging, and even at times, being brought down by the hand of another. Everyone has experienced falling down, it’s a part of life. But what can we learn from it? How can we use it to empower us, to help us grow?

No matter what life throws at us, we always at some point or another have a choice to get back up, to use it to our advantage. For some of us it may take years. For me personally, It took me many, many years to reach a point where not only did I finally want to stand back up, but I wanted to live. I wanted to thrive. It takes what it takes and there is no right or wrong in it. I truly believe that when we are ready, the change naturally begins to take place and the next thing we know, we are looking back on the last few months and seeing how far we have really come.

It’s okay to fall down. It makes us human. So often we believe that if we fall down and especially if others witness it, it makes us weak. It makes us failures. This is what our society is telling us- but is it truth? Only you can decide that for yourselves. For me, these experiences are usually not so pleasant, but boy do I learn. How many times have those who are successful today, failed? How many times did Thomas Edison fail at making the light bulb before he finally succeeded? Each time, he got back up and because he never gave up, we now have light in our homes.

Don’t give up because you fell down. It does not make you a failure. This life is full of ups and downs, but you have the power to make it into a triumph. When life gets hard, when it knocks you down hard just remember- take a breath, reset and when you’re ready, Get back on the Mat!